Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Finding and Keeping your Perfect Mate

Tips for Finding and Keeping your Perfect Mate

From the beginning of time man has sought to be in a relationship.  Since then we have drastically deviated from the initial plan God put in place to bring a man and a woman together. We list all types of excuses for why our differences are irreconcilable, however the blueprint of life (The Bible) says “What God has put together let no man put asunder” and if we follow this we will find our perfect mate.

 I remember a joke my pastor use to tell explaining how women came about. He used to say “When God created Adam he put him to sleep and removed one of his rib bones and placed it in the being he was creating now known as women. When Adam woke up God asked what he wanted to name the being.  Adam took one look and said “Whoa-man,” and thus we have women.   Although this story is merely a joke in nature the hidden message behind it that women are astonishing is priceless.

One of the most popular questions for those who are either seeking a mate or in a committed relationship is- “How do I know if he/she is the one.” The answer to this age old question is simple- “What can’t you live without.”

I often tell people that you should have (5) five standards that are absolute deal breakers. In other words if the person you’re trying to get to know/or are with doesn’t possess ALL FIVE of your standards it’s time to turn and walk away. And if you don’t have five established and non-wavering standards then you don’t need to date until they’re established. By now you’re probably saying “It’s too late I’m already in a relationship.” In all honesty if you’re not with your soul mate it really doesn’t matter because eventually it will end. You just have to decide how much time you’re willing to waste with the wrong person.

The age old saying “If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything” is totally true. Think about it if you don’t know what you want you will end up with a lot of what you don’t need. For instance have you ever gone to the grocery store while you were hungry? You walk in with a budget and a standard list of the things you need but by the time you leave you have a cart full of things you didn’t want not to mention the additional money spent.  I’ve developed seven tips to help you eliminate wasteful dating.

1.       Always utilize your five standards- this will save you a lot of undue heartbreak. For example if one of your standards is that your mate must have a degree dismissing this standard will definitely cause problems in the long run. The reason why is because this standard was created when you were thinking without the clouding of anticipation. Anticipation is created when you meet someone new.  You look at the physical attraction and hope that this one is the one, especially when you’re more than ready to settle down. Don’t be a victim of the desperation syndrome and by all means don’t settle!!!

2.       It’s okay to allow someone to get themselves together before you embark upon a relationship with them. The reason why is because you need to allow time to show you if this person is simply going through a rough patch in life or if they have no desire to obtain the things you expect. In most cases the answer is their standards won’t meet your expectations. For example if you meet someone and they’re not working. The logical solution is to walk away. The reason being is that a person who is focusing on bettering themselves is not ready to date. If a person is not happy with themselves they can’t possibly make you happy. Each situation is different however the outcome is almost always the same.

3.       Make sure your religious or spiritual beliefs line up. Two can’t walk together unless they agree. This simply means if you have two totally religious different beliefs chances are it won’t work. Think about it this way- If you are a firm Christian and you meet an avid atheist, chances are you may try to make it work initially but eventually things will change drastically. The reason being is because someone (most time this is you) decided to put their beliefs aside to try to make it work. This will never work because you are who you are for a reason and it is very difficult to change for someone else without resenting them in the process.

4.       Be sure you have what it takes to enter a relationship. If you have been known to be a cheater and all of a sudden you have a desire to be in a committed relationship- figure out why you were cheating before you use some un-expecting soul as a science project. It’s the same as carrying excess baggage into a new relationship. My advice is speak with those who know you best and ask why they think you are the way you are. Most times family and friends can identify why you think the way you do. Then talk to a professional and figure out how to break these bad habits so you can be happy.

5.       Never take on a fixer up project!!! If you feel the need to embark upon a fixer up project save yourself a lot of time and heartache by simply going to Home Depot instead. You cannot change anyone!!! Change is something that is self-contained. If the person hasn’t determined that they need a change, chances are they won’t change for you. Instead you will change and most times not for the best. This type of thinking only hurts the person seeking to change the other person.

6.       Listen to what your mate is saying. If your man is saying “Baby I want to marry you” but his actions are not reflective of this- he’s not going to marry you. When a man is thinking long term he prepares for the future. He begins to explore what type of ring you want, the type of house that works best for your family, and my all-time favorite the exploration of your credit. A person who wants to be with you forever cares about you and what you have to offer.

7.       See things for what they really are. If your mate continues to stand you up, is unavailable after 9 p.m., breaks up with you around the holidays (Christmas, Birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc.) he /she already has someone and is just riding your train until the wheels fall off. You can make up all the excuses in the world but the fact still remains- “When a man loves a woman he can’t keep his mind on nothing else” PERIOD!!!

I’m no expert but in my experience these key tips can help eliminate the bad seeds. I hope this helps and if you have additional questions please feel free to send me an email at


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